Before he left, I heard my Dad say to Mom, "I have no wife. My sons no longer respect me. I have no family." He didn't sound angry, like he often did lately. It was as though he had spoken these words to himself before. He was just now speaking them aloud.
My Dad told me, in one way or another, since I started high school, "You don't talk to me anymore." What was there to say? I guess I should have tried to find something to say.
It wasn't always this way. Dad was always with me when I was younger. He used to laugh a lot - a loud, full-out, belly laugh. We went fishing and to ball games. He went to all my soccer games and baseball games. He supported me just as he supported my older brother Mark. He even coached my teams a few years. My Mom didn't like it when Dad got excited with the referee. But, Dad was always into it full-bore. She would tell him to stop, loud enough for others around to hear. Dad would go stone cold; it showed on his face, as he slowly returned to the car. Boy, he hated that!
Now that I think about it, we didn't tell Dad a lot of what was going on in the life of the family. We thought Dad would just get mad and not listen. Mother often told us, "Let's not say anything around your father. You know how he gets."
It was unfair; I know that now. Whenever Mark and I got ugly about something, Dad appeared. He would be furious with us about our attitude or behavior or how we talked back to Mother. At some point, though, Mom would step in and tell Dad, "That's enough; leave the boys alone." In didn't matter that she had, in fact, pleaded with Dad to straighten us out.
Dad got real tired of that after awhile - I could tell.
Once, Mark got so bad Mom couldn't handle him. Mark was just out of high school and had some big problems with attitude and self control. Totally frustrated with Mark, she angrily ordered him to leave, "...and don't come back until you apologize!" Of course, it was up to Dad to enforce Mom's order. Mark erupted and said some terrible things to Dad, things you wouldn't say to your worst enemy. I know Dad still hurts. He could never talk about the incident again. Well, a few days later, Mark was back. There was never any explanation as to why and without any apologies, at least not to Dad. I never heard Dad say much about Mark's situations after that.
I was just a little kid when Mom moved into the other bedroom. Thinking back on it, they were not affectionate to each other since. At the time, I thought they didn't want to be too mushy in front of us kids. Perhaps, that's why I overheard Dad muttering, "I no longer have a wife."
He recently threatened to leave. She simply replied, "Go ahead." Finally, He did.
I still see him, though, moving through the house from his room to the kitchen to make his dinner, and I hear him leaving in the morning for work. The truth is Dad had no place to go or the means to get there. He is a ghost-like stranger in his own house.
For some time, I now realize, my father has been a very sad man. I want so much to say something, but I've forgotten how to talk to him. How can I tell him, "Dad, I do love you. Please come back!"
Thomas, a biologist, is using his professional knowledge to write science based fiction, mostly directed toward children and young adults. Dr. Eichlin is continually fascinated by the behavior of all sorts of critters, from children to insects - not always in that order.