Creating A Safe Haven at Home

There are many ways to be in a family. It doesn't matter if you eat on the floor like cats, if that's what your family likes to do, for instance. The important thing is that family members feel loved and nurtured within the walls of their home. Creating a home as a safe haven where all members are respected, allowed to be themselves, and able to treat each other as they would want to be treated is the vital thing.

I believe parenting can be a real joy and much simpler than we make it. I'm sure most of us agree that children are blessings, and we want to do right by them. Sometimes the desire to do the right thing becomes such an obsession that we may end up harming our children physically, psychologically and spiritually.

Children will be children. What children desperately need to have -- as they are experimenting, becoming more independent, and coming into their power -- is a home where they can feel safe.

One method I use, especially in more difficult situations with my children, is to put myself in their shoes. . .inside their heads, and then ask myself if what I want to do will help them feel that they are really understood, appreciated, and valued. . .help their self-concept. I remember quite well that this is how I wanted people to treat me when I was young and how I like people to treat me now.

Most of the feelings of anger, frustration, or helplessness, that we so often take out on our children, come from feelings of guilt at not being able to control them and make sure they do all the "proper" things. Letting go of expectations and rigid thinking about what is proper can free our minds of the guilt that causes us to act in negative ways.

If fear of consequences is their motivation for proper behavior, they won't feel secure. They will view the world as unsafe and learn to control and subjugate others, as well.

Children learn so much more by observation than by being molded. If they see parents treating each other and the children in a loving environment, then they learn best to do what is expected in a respectful home.

I truly believe that no matter what befalls our children as they march through their lives, they will persevere and turn out just fine if they are loved, understood, and not shamed for what they are going through. It is critical that they can walk into their home and know that they can speak their concerns freely.

Creating sacred home space also means that if you are stressed out, unhappy or anxious for any reason, seek help for yourself, as well. Begin by valuing yourself more, by getting to know yourself better. Nurture your soul. Take walks, get a massage, hang out at a bookstore, listen to inspirational music, light some candles.

By becoming more peaceful within, you not only demonstrate to your children healthy ways for them to deal with stressful situations, but you can also be more creative in dealing with family concerns.

When you are in a calm space, you can find solutions to almost any problem in a split second. We all have a very sophisticated inner guidance system, and it can be tapped into most easily when we are at peace and feeling good inside. And please, don't forget to find as much humor in situations as possible.

I've learned through my own experience and by observing many different lifestyles that there is no one right way to raise your children. The only thing that really matters is how you treat yourself and others.