Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Dear Son:
Last week you celebrated a seminal point in your life on the occasion of your 18th birthday. You are now a man. It's strange, I have been planning what I would say to you on this auspicious occasion for most of those 18 years. I remember thinking, as I cut your umbilical cord, that some day I would see the man from this baby that was before me. But alas, all of these years of planning, and I still don't quite know what or how to say it to you. Fathers, I suspect, have forever wondered how to approach their sons on this fateful day celebrating the introduction into manhood.
I know you have been a young man for some time now, but nevertheless your 18th birthday begins to open a window that will be fully open in three years at your 21st. So how do I help you on this voyage? What pearls of wisdom do I give you to navigate this course? In all actuality, there is nothing new, that I have not already tried to say to you. So let's rehearse and revisit some -- no, not all (I know you are in a hurry to explore this wonderful world that now is just on the horizon).
Let's see, what if I just cut it to four brief observations -the first dealing with God and your spirituality, the second dealing with freedom, the third with responsibility, and the last with honor. I promise I will keep it brief, but you know I am a teacher and, as a father, I have a tendency to go on and on...ok...here we go.
Since you were born, you have been in the Church. You have worshipped and given reverence to God, and you have been taught the wisdom and teachings of our religion. As you mature, you will find these to be your rock in the middle of the storms of life, your comfort during the trials, and your source of inspiration in your times of confusion. In all your actions and deeds, acknowledge God and he will direct your paths. I have known this same God throughout my life, and I know this to be true.
While there have been times when I have come up short, when I have known failure, when I have been blind -- our God has never been late, has never failed me, and has always kept me in His sight. In all your gettings, in all your travels -- keep God at the center of your being and your paths will be straight. But if (and I know this for there were times when I lost my way) you find that you are in a strange place full of darkness, pain sorrow -- call to Him, humble yourself and He will direct you to a safe harbor.
Freedom: right now I know you are feeling the power (or is it hormones) surging through your body. Right now you feel that there is nothing that you cannot do. I know for I have raised you to know no fear, to take life and challenges face on, and to walk proudly with your held high. I have watch with both wonder and amazement as you have worked to become a strong, healthy, intelligent, and handsome black man. Freedom is, however, a difficult animal to control. For in your freedom can come both blessings and curses. You see, you are free to succeed as well as to fail, you are free to be or not to be, you are free to work hard or avoid work with all costs, you are free to accept your birthright or to reject it, you are free to rise up on my shoulders or to fall down to your knees -- ultimately in your freedom the choice(s) are yours. My only advice, as you contemplate your freedom, is that you choose to maximize what is within you. Regardless, know that I will forever love, honor, and respect whatever choices you make, for you will forever be my son.
Understand that freedom, regardless of which choices you make comes with duties and responsibilities. You cannot exercise choices without being responsible for the choices that you make. Responsibility is not about blame, it is about ownership. As you select various options, paths, joys, and accomplishments, remember that it is you who make these choices. Please do not make any decision in order to please me or anyone else, for only you will live with the choices you make. Your life, your paths, your decisions are yours. I, along with anyone else in your life, can advise, but only you can choose. For in this choice, only you will enjoy or suffer the consequences of the choices.
Remember that for every choice there are a number of paths that are closed off, as well as opened. You cannot avoid making the choices in life, even when you think that you are doing nothing. In this nothing is also a choice and the responsibility associated with it. Therefore, know that in all things there are both reasons, limitations, and purposes associated with the choices that you make. And these reasons, limitations, and purposes serve to remind you or impress you with your responsibilities.
Finally, understand that only you, and no one else, is responsible for your joy, your happiness, your success, or your failure, your sadness, or your sorrow. But in all things, nothing is absolute, for every joy there is a sorrow, for every happiness there is some sadness, and for ever success you will also experience some failure.
Lastly, honor. Of all the things that I have, or will, or can give you -- the most important is the name that we both share. I have given you my name, so please do not take our name into any situation that would bring either of us shame. Your name is really all that you have; everything that you possess is transient, your name is permanent. In all your dealings, in all your goings and your comings, preserve your name (our name) and it will preserve you.
Well, I could say more, but then we do have all the years before us. Welcome into manhood, my son.
Your dad
Rodney