Well..I did it again. I overextended. I kept that confident "yes, of course I can do that.." going out to all and sundry, until I finally reached a day when I hit the brick wall. I found myself sitting at my desk in a cold sweat, facing three major projects with at least five seperate deadlines, wrestling with the knowledge that I was going to have to let something drop.
This wouldn't have hurt so much if I hadn't assured everyone, including myself, that there would be no delays..that I could "handle it." After a month or two of heavy-handed juggling, all work and no play, skipping sleep and eating over the keyboard, I began to buckle. I was forced to make a decision between my paying job, a good friendship and Seeker. I had told my friend weeks ago that I was unwilling to give anything up..but I knew now that something was going to give...and at the rate I was going, it was going to be me.
After making a call or two, having a mild nervous breakdown and crying all over Mike (our group councillor, and the light of my life,) I dropped everything for two days, and gave myself time to think. I realized that this was not the first time I had put myself in this position. Over and over again, I have taken on more than I can realistically expect to handle, and have had to let someone down..most often myself, but sometimes others, too.
While there is a lot to be said for having a postive attitude and a willingness to "give it a go," it is not fair to yourself or to the people you are working with to commit to more than you can do. I read somewhere once that "It is better to say you cannot do something, and do it, than to say that you can do something, and then not do it." I now know why.
I've been lucky this time. My friend understands...my job is still salvageable and Seeker will go up on deadline thanks to Mike's help and the love and support of others..but I may not be so lucky next time.
I am making a public vow not to let this happen again. I have taken the saying above and posted it at my desk at home, and I am taking steps to lighten my obligations to allow time for those things required for recharging...writing, playtime, adequate sleep, and just plain thinking! I am also going to think very carefully before I say yes to any future commitments, no matter how badly I want to get involved.
I can't say I won't ever let anyone down again...but I think this will make it a whole lot harder!
PS. Mike and Issi...this hug's for you! ;> {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}
Denise Ruiz
Editor - Seeker Magazine