What a Relief to Be Dead!
(The Multicultural Seder)
In the hereafter, Buddha will appear in pajamas,
Christ will appear sipping green tea
And your mother will appear
In a bright blue bonnet
Looking utterly relaxed and free.
The Virgin Mary will be serving soy cappuccinos.
Peter and the Apostles will be making the rounds
With enormous baskets of bagels, chopped liver,
cream cheese and ambrosial blintzes.
For purists, cucumber watercress sandwiches
On pumpernickel bread, with a lovely pimento spread,
Will abound.
You will not be able to get fat. Imagine that.
And your joy will spread
And gladness will be contagious
And your every dread will be sent to bed
With supper, and a chocolate milkshake
Until you are purely luminous
And still individually humorous.
What a relief to be dead!
After the multicultural Seder,
There will be a skit
Of the most ridiculous & heart-lifting moments
Extracted from a video of your most mind-storming,
Yet delightful days.
Then even the angels will weep.
Their tears will turn to perfect miniature worlds of wisdom
Where all the best knowledge
And playfulness you shall keep.
Finally, the Host of Hosts, and Creator of All Things
Will appear in a magical act, combining an
impossible metamorphosis —
I Love Lucy, Sid Caesar and Jerry Lewis,
Enrico Caruso, Rudolf Nureyev, and a pomegranate bath —
That yodels, prances and does divine comedy,
Until all of heaven and hell is sanctioned,
and sheds both guilt and sanctimonious purity
With one enormous, deep-bellied laugh.
Hee-hee! What a trip.
To think what used to make you furious.
To imagine your ego was so delirious!
Can you, can you, can you,
Yes, I think you can, I know you can imagine that.
The angels will be holding their sides with glee;
Their wings will be quivering with unabashed hilarity.
You will try to be serious, but cannot stay too long
in this ridiculous state —
Before you can stop yourself, laughter will free your soul
from memories of suffering
And you will be standing at the gates
Gazing in absolute, stunned wonderment
At your pair of
purple
laced
rollerskates.
Your sweetheart will offer you a crunchy canapé
smothered
With irresistible manna's of heavenly caviar.
As you giggle with levity & lightness, you'll each toast,
With sparkling goblets (filled with Blessed Spirits),
that you both have come this far.
The light around you will be resplendent.
And you will be reunited with your cats
And you'll shout an astounding song
Of your joyful, flowering heart —
And that will be that.
(Photograph and Poem Copyright 2001 by Darius Gottlieb - No reproduction without express permission from the author)
