1) I am GOD. I created the universe and the heavens. Thou shalt get out of my way.
2) I am Jesus Christ. Where I'm going is the righteous will of God.
3) I sit on the right hand of Jesus. These roads are mine, created exclusively for me.
4) Since I'm personally anointed by myself, I can hog as many lanes as I want.
5) I'm the Lord of the Universe. I suddenly appear before you without even looking.
6. It is my inalienable right to cut, or crowd in front, of a long line of vehicles who were waiting long before My Royal Self arrived.Which statement accurately reflects the philosophical goals of the SUV driver?
1) You're in front of me – now get the hell out of my way.
2) You're in my way. How could this be? Who are you to interfere with God's work?
3) You're in front of me, so I'm going to ride your ass, cut you off, pass around you as fast as possible, then slice in front of you with complete disregard for your welfare.
4) I'm a goddess bitch and this SUV was bought by my partner who often makes me miserable, so remove your lesser vehicle from my royal presence now.Which statement reflects the learning capabilities of the courteous SUV driver?
5) Eat my dust, or face the consequences.
1) For each additional $10,000 that my vehicle cost, I lost forty points of IQ.
2) For each additional 10 cubic feet of interior vehicle room, I increased my rudeness and inconsiderateness as a driver twenty fold.
3) Because my SUV is shinier, faster, much costlier, and larger than your car, my brain shrank proportionately. And if truth be told, beyond my power moves, I'm basically limited in my range of responses.
4) Because my SUV is more powerful than your car, my asshole also increased in size. Since I'm simultaneously blinded by ego, I can't see what an enormous asshole I am.A true story was reported in the Associated Press about a father whose SUV was so large that he backed out of his driveway, didn't see his child, and killed his child upon impact. What was the first thing the father said after he heard a loud thump and then stopped to inspect the damage to his SUV?
1) I told you to stay out of my way.
2) You stupid kid! How many times have we told you to play in the back yard?
3) I'm docking your allowance now until the damage to my bumper has been fully paid.
4) That's it, junior! Go immediately to your room and stay there until the funeral.
5) Oh it's you. After all we've done for you. Now your mother has to clean up your mess. And I'm still late for work.
Letter to the Author at SoulGnosis@aol.com