I received a bundle of poems from a woman who described to me her experience of a life-shattering - in every way - event two years ago. While she had written poems earlier in her life, she discovered the therapy of poetry in reconnecting herself after the trauma. From her e-mail to me, I quote:
My poetry has been my salvation, my outlet; it has allowed me to see myself clearly. At times I would wake in the morning after writing late at night and look at my poetry and say, "Wow...did I write that?!!"
I am submitting under a pen name, as the "Victims of Violent Crimes Program" has told me to do everything possible to guard my anonymity. So without further adieu...I hope you will consider my poetry, and possibly it will touch someone else and give them hope. I feel like my life was given back to me, and I am determined not to waste it as I know there is light....Amazingly, on this spiritual journey I also learned what love was about...and experientially what joy that has brought into my life.
20 SECONDS
I FILLED THE ICE CREAM WEEKEND WITH MY FOUR GROWN SONS ALONE BUT TOGETHER HEALING...HELPING MOVE DISORGANIZED BITS OF ACCUMULATED JUMBLE FROM THERE TO THERE REPAIRING THE FRAGILE CRACKS AND FRACTURES OF OUR FAILINGS DOZING IN THE HALF LIGHT OF DAWN LIGHTLY SLEEPING LONELY WAKING IN A STRANGE ROOM A STRANGE BED A GIGGLY LITTLE BOY HUGGING ME AWAKE HIS CHUBBY ARMS ENCIRCLED 'ROUND MY NECK HIS FROOT LOOP BREATH LOUDLY WHISPERING TOP SECRET SECRETS INTO MY EAR REMINISCENTLY COMFORTING REMEMBERING OTHER LITTLE BOYS WARM WHISPERS AND CUDDLY TOYS THE SLEEPING STILLNESS SURROUNDS US HE IMPATIENTLY SNUGGLES AND THEN HE IS GONE WAS IT 20 SECONDS OR TWENTY YEARS AGO? DOESN'T MATTER... IT SWEETLY FEELS THE SAME.
Soul Soliloquy
My soul ached with confusion
I peeked over the weeping wall of my private garden
And saw a shimmering rainbow
Beckoning to me
I was drawn like a lover
I clamored and climbed determinedly
Up the thorny precipice
Longing for the prismatic vision
Filling my senses and soul
At last I stood tall
My bare toes caressing the top of the wall
Misty rain licked the stinging tears from my face
The rainbow wrapped itself around me
Like wings
Floating on a silken ribbon of colors
I let my senses soar
Impetuously ecstatic
But then I felt the rainbow start to disengage
Dissipate...dissolve
I looked down and saw only miles of myself
Free falling, tumbling
Brilliantly incinerating like a falling star screaming
Through the universe
I felt my liquid core hardening
Collapsing into the infinite within
I heard my babies crying out to me
Tears of torment
I willed the shattered shards of me to congeal
My body and breath survived
My essence enlightened
My soul
Centered
THE DRUMMING DIRGE
I step out onto the wickered veranda Pulling my shapeless straw hat snugly down to my ears The old dog is roadblocking the steps Basking his watermelon body in the noonday sun Baking his arthritic bones in exhausted ecstasy His eyelids flutter in an innocently shuttered greeting Against the bright blinding light I gaze at my tomatoes broiling in the sun The dog has been deviously digging again, undermining things The roses are razed, wilting and wan I caress them with consolation Gently I grovel in the gasping garden The heat hacks through the thin soles of my decrepit canvas shoes Insidious solar flames fry my neck And flog my shoulders as I toil Liquifying my soul I revel in the purifying rivers of sweat seeping from my pores My heart harping in my ears Light-headed and lithesome I float on a sea of endless and exotic possibilities and far-flung imaginings The old dog commands attention Thumping his tail in a drumming dirge My muse ends I seek shade Parched and panting I am thirsty and so is he I fetch The door bang bangs behind me He lays unmoving Flatulent and fermenting Black claws and fat paws caked with clotted dirt Ignorant In his heat-stroked stuporous sleep.
Me and Si-lan
We are two women Standing side by side in a desolate field. Swaying As a stalk of wheat and a stalk of rye At the whim and will of the wind. The Wind Blowing us steadily in one direction And then abruptly changing course Ripping loose our roots Our stalks tremble and we are ragged Yet, our seeds happily soar on the breeze Never to be held in our arms again. Our Roots The channel of our life force As we joyfully lift our faces to the sun, Cling onto the cool damp earth. We feel the rumble of the plow We bow our heads together in communion We sigh as we slowly turn And finally release our clutch on the muddy earth. It is not the end of summer It is the winter of rebirth And then there will be the spring again.
MY HOUSE
I want to build a house of strength An invincible fortress Surrounded by a moat swimming with dolphindiles I want the walls low enough to see overI want the doors wide open Allowing the breeze to carry in the fragrance of spring And all creatures wise and wonderful The windows should be framed with thorny climbing roses Iluminated from within, Day and night warm and glowing and inviting I need a safe house that will protect me from Fear and Vulnerability I will cloth myself in a cocoon of gossamer chainmail I will have a giant dog with giant sharp teeth I will feed him intruders and he will lick every drop of blood from the floor I want guardian angels to watch over me So I can sleep, and know that I will wake again I want an army of brutish soldiers Who will read poetry and ride awesome stallions through the countryside Warning all of their omnipresence I want an invisible forcefield around each of my sons So that they may live their lives In total safety and freedom And finally, The roof of my house will be a shimmering rainbow And at the end of the rainbow Will be the golden love of my life We will whisper and sigh And then when the final breath leaves my body I will rejoice.