In May's column, I closed with the following paragraph:
But it might make a greater difference if you work towards a lovingness that is uncloying, unsmothering, that does not infringe nor bind, a love that acknowledges the spirits of all people and animals and plants and rocks and waters and is grateful for them all.
I discovered a new book in the library a couple of weeks ago that addresses how to work at growing children just that way. 10 Principles for Spiritual Parenting: Nurturing Your Child's Soul by Mimi Doe and Marsha Walch (1998, HarperPerennial) is a broadly scoped compendium of many ways to actively raise children to grow their spirits.
I will admit that their use of "God" this and "God" that, particularly in the early part of the book, felt a little limiting. Then I consciously substituted Universal Spirit or Spirit of the Universe for "God" and felt better. But there are such good points and ideas and activities, and the authors managed to be quite inclusive of a variety of spiritual paths, that it can speak to many people. Although I am afraid that people who don't see that children have wonderful souls just won't be interested in seeing a different way.
Their ten principles are the following:
The flashlight is an ordinary-looking object that becomes bright and sends out a beam of light when it has a battery inside. We are like the flashlight, dark and plain, until we plug into the magical power of God's light; then we are brilliant and shining. We can see where we are going, and everyone can see us coming. With God as our battery we work - we are charged and we send out our own beams. We light up our world.
They have an innate gift of inner vision that, in their innocence, has not yet been lost. ... Listening validates children and gives them trust in themselves-they feel special and secure in their own uniqueness when they are heard.
Guess what! We wouldn't need to be promoting self-esteem courses in schools if only parents truly listened to their little ones and supported the feelings of self-worth they already have, instead of breaking those feelings down.
Language is one of the incredible aspects of being human, and it is important that kids treat this tool with reverence....Children become more thoughtful about communicating when they are shown how to say what they mean, take responsibility for their words, and learn the difference between their wants and needs....Help your children to pause before they speak to become clear on what it is they wish to communicate.
The authors suggest encouraging children to write in journals, to word-play with poems, to create their own prayers.
Make magic out of the ordinary because it's fun, because it's the instinctive and joyful way a child lives. Meet your child's natural wonder...Observe what interests your child and you will find that it isn't necessarily what you may think of as "toys."...The everyday becomes magical when the child can respond to his environment in whatever way he decides.... When we recognize the magic that surrounds us in our seemingly ordinary world, spirituality will pour into us without effort on our part.
gives children freedom to develop as individuals, to be themselves with all their miraculous dimensions revealed. ...Remaining flexible in your approach to parenting enables your child to steer clear of the "tribe" mentality for a bit longer.
It seems to take forever to accept that we cannot fix everything, and furthermore, that we don't have to fix everything...Our struggles in the physical world can be quieted when we go within and tap the power of the universe for comfort and guidance.
The authors remind us that children are "sacred beings-try not to discount their wisdom."
Knowing that each day is a new beginning...allows us to experience peaceful evenings when we know that tomorrow awaits-a new opportunity to begin again-and fresh assurance in the mornings that today is full of unlimited possibilities. We can remind our children the new day awaits them, so make it special, treat it with love, and then see the goodness in it...Today is sacred; experience delight.
Each chapter describing these principles closes with a "Parents' Insight-Building Exercise," "Parents' Check-in Questions," a "Children's Guided Journey," "Children's Check-in Questions," and "Affirmations" for adults and children.
It's a wonderful book. If you're just beginning to ask these questions, it would be a great helper. If you already experience your children as spiritual beings, this might give you more ideas of things to do and ways to talk about things.
(Copyright by Cherie Staples - No reproduction without express permission from the author)