Ode to a Cookie
NOTE: This piece is dedicated to Randy, desolated friend of the dog, COOKIE.
If you could look into the ineffable mystery of your life and completely understand it for what it is, Would you change it? There is no greater gift that you can give me than to share our lives together If you could look into the ineffable mystery of your life and totally see it for what it is, in all its pieces, in all its aching unwholeness What would you change – And what puzzle piece would you fish from the ocean that is yourself To fit back into the pattern and to make yourself complete? You say you have traveled here before Funny that you are still reluctant to ask for directions from strangers inside your heart We're here – all the pieces of yourself The separate fragmented voices that make up your map The jarring routes, exits and freeway entrances Still taking you for a ride. Driver, I love you as I have loved no other And I am just beginning to see your place Beyond this world and beyond this time and place Which has hurled us together, you and I. Where are we going? Would you like to steer for awhile While I cry out my secret names and spill open my heart From which swim a thousand multi-colored fish, Pieces of the collage I've been afraid and unwilling to name? Why do you drive so fast? I know you are angry But really, we are the only ones on the road, You and I, And all the other drivers are only fast & furious Seeking to arrive. Our destination is here. Come sit beside me And let out your grief Which spills in every hue and rainbow cast aside. It's all right for men to cry, after all, I've been living with you, and it's work, A man's world inhabited by beings seeking their feminine side. In truth, your soul has seen every body and shape And slept with the multitude of forms that inhabit this terrifying place And the terror of it all, with all those whom you've held fast and held in your grasp Is how few you've let in, to thoroughly caress what you've defied – You're neither man nor beast, woman nor goddess, But a being seeking expression of its complete self In a world fragmented by half-aspects. Hold me now, you adorable fool And let me in where no angel has truly feared to tread. Get out of your head and into the streaming colors of your heart Where in truth I have, and shall ever, reside. Silly human! I've slept with you each night I've turned endlessly in your restless bed I ask primarily for you to see me now, as I am, Not perfect, not without the brilliance of Creation, For I am your driver and passenger, your motherless child, I am every part of you abandoned that you still carry inside. Cookie was a dog. Cherished by her owner and hit by a car on the Fourth of July She was more than a child to her owner, more than a lover, She was a being: utterly loved and in her passing there is unfathomable grief. When Death whispers your name and hints of your soul streaming to the skies, Will you listen? Those events you thought accidents, Those mishaps and mumblings, critical dates and functions to which you hurried, Will you remember that they aren't truer parts of yourself from which in haste you have tried to blame, or to hide? I can only surmise How it is that humankind can race with such shrieking abandon, This human race, this outrageous misfortune, Shaping continents and nations, up-turning Your actual years and months and weeks In a game of hide-and-seek. Got a date? With destiny that calls your name With destiny that shouts loudly to be heard With destiny that practically begs for your attention, Has to hit you over the head until you collide. There is no greater gift that you can give me than to share our lives together Pluto was a bird. A parakeet. Before you laugh when I tell you I loved that bird as I have few others Remember that it was I who left the back door ajar Where entered a shiny black cat of Death to tear at Pluto's throat It was the first time I'd seen blood behind emerald feathers of love so fluffy & sweet. How funny that we can love pets and be undiminished in unrestrained and unhesitating embrace How odd that we can open our hearts so completely to pets, yet not for one another. When Death again speaks your name and warns of your soul set freeing to the skies, Now will you listen? What of all those appointments you thought so crucial, so spotlessly neat That you had to drive there, some mindless harpy from Hell, And damn any other fool drivers who could dream to place themselves in your mighty way? All those events you thought mere accidents Those mishaps and fumblings, momentous dates and functions to which you hurried, Are they really the finer parts of yourself from which with alacrity you scurry, then weigh down with worry? I speak for myself. Obviously, you are a sensible driver Never rushed nor in haste Never elbowing others, rarely casting them aside. I do not know you. You do not live in LA, And if you did, please then pick me up at 7:00 We can share the carpool lane as I'm running late. Late for an appointment with understanding, Late for a dinner date with my compassion, Late for the patience I tied to a pole in the back yard, without water or shade from the blazing heat, Late for the integration I dropped off at a nearby pound, For it's easier to put pet peeves in myself to death, or neuter them, Than deal with them, furry legs, lapping tongues And yapping needs all. And they want exercise, too? I'm late to treat myself as well as I have loved my most priceless pet. What is it you need? Wait. I cannot possibly listen I'm flying out the door as if the heavens must be shoved immediately aside. But not too late to listen one last time Before I commit one final misunderstanding, And ignore my faith and my devoted driver, The ultimate crime. If you could crystallize ineffable pieces of your life and begin to create yourself complete and intact, Would you then slow down to hold in your arms Those parts that you'd furiously sought to eradicate? Kill the past! Now give up its hold and power. Now release its vise upon your thoughts of your life. There are no pieces of yourself which cannot be loved, nor realized – There are no fragmented parts which you cannot face – Confess! There is NOTHING that can stop you from that focus where you begin to love The driver, the journey, and the ride And relish this awful passage And begin to relate To every weird fish that swims in your momentary ocean, To every passerby. Of course, not all are to be let in, but YES, you can change fate, To welcome the driver as you welcome yourself And even let Death in, by and by. How awesome The journey has only just begun So that when Death mouths out your name, as if to say, "I was only trying to get your attention," You nod – and — at last — You abide. There is no greater gift that you have given me than to share our lives together ... ...welcome home! Now let's clean up this mess