I've been working hard at my healing for the past two years now, and I've made some drastic changes in my life these last few months. One thing I never realized was that as I worked through different issues, my outlook on life would change. Old attitudes started to melt down. I couldn't keep living the life (or nonlife) I was living anymore.
If a person is lucky, she/he will have a partner or family that will support and encourage the positive changes that a survivor goes through. They will support you through all the pain that has to be felt to get to the other side. I've met people who have that kind of support, but unfortunately, I was not one of them.
I was fortunate to have very good support outside my home, at SACS, Church, within my network of friends and in therapy. I connected with people who encouraged my healing and changes.
The reason I wanted to share this with all of you is because the changes, self-respect, the inner power and talent that comes through is worth the effort. The realization that anger is okay if released in healthy ways, the knowledge that I am a worthy person and do deserve good things in my life and don't have to live in abusive situations because it's comfortable, is hard work and not easy to get to. But it is worth it.
I've lost comfortable things in my life, and even though they weren't healthy I had to mourn those losses, and still do at times, because all those situations and attitudes made up my life. It's a part of me that I have to let go, but in doing so I make room for new ideas, experiences and attitudes.
Changes are a hard part of healing. They have caused me to make decisions in my life that have been painful. I know with every positive change a little more healing happens and I become stronger. It's a nice feeling when I realize that I did the right thing for me.
To sum it all up, let the changes happen. Keep talking to people who will support those changes Know that the pain from the experience does let up. It does for me when I allow the changes to happen, when I allow myself to feel what I need to feel instead of fighting it. Surround yourself with people that believe in you and you will start seeing the light on the other side. It doesn't happen overnight, but with every change I make that light gets brighter. Above all don't give up. That can be very easy and very harmful.
All of you who are beginning your journey or have been on it for awhile are in my thoughts and in my prayers.