Friday August 23

-And when we die the old practice of going through our things will not be done. The undertaker will open our e-mail and share it with everyone before it is saved in the capitol only and deleted to make room for the newborns.

Yea, matt said that years after he gave up drugs.

Unusually large number of fighter jets have passed over this morning and early afternoon. Fast ones. High flying and making the noise of rushing in the air all the way to the ground's ear. I think we're comparatively close to Iraq here. At least that's what the map says.

The Israeli makers of gas masks are not unhappy these days. The pills added to hyper-activate the thyroid are also beneficial to someone's pocket. If my environment should become radioactively infected, I surely want a pill in my mask to make my thyroid wild. I guess there are also those types of guys waiting for women with super-thyroid-osis who will be scratching the walls and floors while seeking to satiate their relief while changing. It's only an innate, natural occurrence like that. Don't see why the preachers and the thumpers should get themselves excited along with the others. They were the ones talking about this thing but not doing so much about it, in order to avoid causing offenses of anyone. We can sit and whine now because the choices were never ours anyway. I guess I hope to be able to get it up one last time, too.

I'm glad I quit smoking marijuana years ago. I feel so much more moral and eternal now. Wish everyone would join in my brainwashed fear ethics. Then no one would ever smoke a joint before the decision to scald a village of children. Thank God there is no fear of losing oil dependence for smarter technologies. I've too often wondered what happens to a spinning sphere with a hot center when all of its viscous fluids have been depressurized and pumped to its surface. I wasted my youth that way because I smoked marijuana. Now I'm a good person and I don't have any furniture, and I'm selling this computer tomorrow if the guy likes it.

It's God's will, thank God. He will help me to stop thinking these indefinite thoughts by silencing them. He's a pretty good God, you know. He's in control, like I could never be. That's why I worship Him. That's why I get angry when people write dirty words or want to touch without marriage or get divorced. Those things are our real problems and we should concentrate more on them and amuse ourselves with hair dying. It used to be wrong to want war but now it's wrong to oppose it. -God, how I mumble.

Yeah, don't worry about tomorrow; it probably won't come anyway. I should have kids. I'm just dying to see the forms after a few more years of chemical fabrication. I guess it's a hobby that's just too hard to quit. Something like cigarettes which, damn me, I still think I need. I'm sure it's all just in my head by now because who in his or her right mind would do things like that? If that were true, people all over the world would be doing things like that too.

But I'm better than I used to be. The Prozac years when I wrote the wrong letters in words were very funny. Now I don't write at all because I'm not as correct as other people. I keep meeting successful people, and I sadly find that we have too little in common. I'd like to be friends but we never talk about how cool cats and small dogs are. I have, nonetheless, seen some of the most aggressive children of those successful moms and dads. They always get what they want and it's always better than what I have.

I used to be a grownup, you know. But I have learned my place and sometimes I feel better to be called Joe Joe. I even dreamed up a little dance I could do for the great and powerful, if I could only get the chance. I want to be like them.

My mother whom I haven't seen in years wanted to be like them too. Sometimes she would pretend and I felt very ashamed. I saw her a few years ago, once. She said, "What in the hell do you want?" I don't see her very often so I imagine she was taken off guard, huh?

We were lucky to be born in America. We had a lot of dreams to host. It's funny how the number of dreams decreases with age, when we have fewer friends. You'd think dreams would come to replace friends but as much as one is a nuisance to the other, they seem to be interdependent. It's not important. Quality of life is. That's why a hospital bed for the night costs 5,000 dollars. Keeps the sheets clean and the national ego up.

Well, I have to go now. It is time for my yogurt and after that, my turn for the toilet. Tonight I have to delete my files because the man might see the pictures of naked ladies I have because I cannot see a real naked woman anymore, because I'm not married and I used to smoke marijuana.