From Genesis to Revelation:
One Man's Journey Into Light

So it was that Gawd came to live with Aunt Rose, who made it abundantly clear that she was his last chance, and that he was going through next of kin at a rather alarming rate.

"Just remember, young fellow, that it's only on account of my sister's dying wish that I'm taking you in," she said. "I think there's something awful peculiar about you that first your mother dies in a way that was never properly explained to me, and then your grandfather up and suffers a heart attack when there's no history of it in the family. Awful peculiar, if you ask me." She stood for a moment, hands on hips, a stern expression on her face. "Well.......have you anything to say for yourself?"

Gawd stood on the step of her house, his duffle bag slung over his shoulder, fishing pole in hand. "No, ma'am," he answered as politely as he could.

"Are you a Christian?" she asked bluntly. "Ever been to church?"

"Not much, ma'am," he answered somewhat sheepishly.

"We'll change that," she said stiffly.

"Yes, ma'am," he answered dutifully.

With that, he was welcomed into her house, a big, overgrown, two-story Victorian structure located in the old part of town down by the Big Shop, the furniture factory that had once been the biggest structure in the British Empire. It was still an immense building that he passed each day on the way to school. He was able to look through its basement windows down into its bowels, where he saw old men who seemed dirty and dusty in their work, who never looked happy, and who seemed to look toward him longingly as he walked by.

It was school on which he focused his attention after his grandfather's death. It wasn't that he disliked Aunt Rose. He was sort of neutral about her at first and even grew fond of her eventually, but they had nothing in common. There was no fishing and hockey and building model boats, although he maintained an interest in all the things he'd done with the old man. But at school he found friendship with another boy who had come from outside this small community and who felt awkward at being suddenly thrust into a new environment. His name was Sid.

Sid moved from the city in the New Year after the old man died. His mother and father had divorced, and his mother had moved to this particular small town because she'd wanted to get as far away from Sid's father as she could and the bank where she was a teller had an opening at the branch here. Sid made no secret of the fact that he was aghast as having to live in such a rural backwater, having come from a city where there was considerable action for pubescent boys.

"Hey, asshole, you're blocking the view," were the first words Gawd heard Sid speak, and they were spoken in his direction.

He looked back at the new kid and scowled, but he kept quiet and actually shifted slightly so the speaker could possibly see better. Two kids from their class were duking it out over a girl -- it wasn't much action, but it was about the best you could hope for in these parts.

"Not much of a fight," Sid commented after the dust, or in this case, snow, had settled, and the combatants had been dragged off to the office for punishment.

"It wasn't bad," Gawd returned.

"Girls are better," Sid answered. "They really get involved in what they're doing. They're more emotional. They lose their cool better."

"I see your point," Gawd answered. "Cat fight."

"Yeah," answered Sid. "And I'll tell you something else – they're not worth fighting over. My mom's a bitch, and my dad says that all women get to be bitches as soon as they get married. What about your mom?"

"She's dead," Gawd answered.

"Ooo, that's too bad," Sid said. "Because even though they're a pain in the ass, they're kind of useful to have around. You live with your dad?"

"I live with my great aunt – don't have a dad," Gawd answered.

"Tough luck story, eh," Sid said. Just at that moment, the bell sounded, calling them back to their studies. "Meet me after school," Sid hissed under his breath as they filed back into the school.

Gawd wasn't sure why, but he nodded and kept his mouth shut, knowing the teachers would be testy after the fisticuffs in the schoolyard at recess. And that was how Gawd met Sid.

After school they walked home together, after finding out that they lived in the same direction. Sid invited Gawd in when they got to his place.

"Come on in and check out the digs," he said. "It's Thursday – busy day at the bank – mom won't be home 'til about seven. Why don't you call your great aunt, or whatever she is, and tell her you're stayin' over for supper – tell her we've got some homework to do together."

Gawd thought there was little harm in agreeing to stay over for supper, but when he phoned Aunt Rose, he left out the part about the homework, because it would have been a lie, and he tried to save those for really important occasions. He figured the old girl probably wouldn't really care whether he was there or not anyway.

Sid's room was out of this world to Gawd. The walls were painted flat black and the ceiling was done in tin foil – and there were mirrors everywhere.

"Wow," Gawd said, as they entered; "this is quite a place."

"It's comfy," Sid said.

"You've got your own record player," Gawd said, incredulous at his friend's good fortune.

"I pick up all the latest records when I'm in the city visiting my dad," Sid replied matter-of-factly. "My dad bought the record player for me. He's always doing stuff like that 'cause he feels guilty for having an affair and leaving mom and me. I got to say, though, that his new chick is a real looker. I wouldn't mind getting into her pants myself."

Gawd was surprised that Sid would talk so – surprised that he'd talk about a woman like that. Gawd hadn't heard much discussion about the opposite sex from the guys he played road hockey with or from others of his age. Girls remained objects of scorn in his circle. "You wouldn't know what to do," he challenged.

"I guess I wouldn't," Sid answered sarcastically. "I had my way with Sally Reynolds in grade six – she was a grade eighter and she taught me the ropes, and I've been trying to pass on what I learned ever since."

Gawd said nothing. Sid rummaged through a pile of records, appearing to search for one particular disc. "You must be able to get a boner," Sid said, looking up from his search.

Gawd must have looked puzzled.

"A hard on......an erection," he elaborated.

"Yeah, I guess," Gawd answered, but embarrassment showed.

"Well, what do you think it's for?" Sid asked, as he pulled a record from the pile, looking pleased with himself.

"I know what it's for," Gawd answered, a trace of anger in his voice.

"Hey, I know the girls in public school aren't much," Sid said, as he put the album on the record player and turned the machine on. It was something Gawd didn't recognize. "But next year we'll be in high school, and there are some great chicks there. You got to be ready."

"What do you mean by that?" Gawd asked innocently.

"We've got to get you laid," Sid said. "You can't go to high school a virgin. You'll get laughed out of the place."

That was Gawd's introduction to Sid – old Sid who was more worldly than anyone Gawd had ever met in his short life, even when he'd lived in the city with his mom. And for as long as Gawd knew Sid, his friend was always just a little bit ahead of the crowd in everything he did. That was sort of Sid's distinguishing feature.

It became Sid's mission in life, over the rest of that winter and the spring and summer that followed, to try to get Gawd laid before high school. The two boys became almost inseparable, and, except for the girl stuff, Gawd was happy to have Sid for a friend, because they were always doing different and neat things. Sid didn't care much for sports, but he was heavily into fishing and hunting, something they had in common right from the start – not the hunting so much, but the fishing, for sure.

They spent a lot of time listening to the latest music and horsing around with Sid's older brother's movie and recording junk that was stored at their mother's house when he was out of the country, which he apparently often was. So, while the others kids were doing kid stuff, Sid and Gawd were making movies and recording rude sounds, and doing all manner of other stuff. That was another thing about Sid – he had the neatest junk.

Gawd went to just about the first party he'd ever been to on Valentine's Day in Grade 8. He suffered considerable trepidation as the event loomed, knowing that he was ill-prepared for it, not being much of a social animal and not really possessing the so-called graces such a function might require. But Sid was adamant that they attend, even though Gawd did his best to dissuade him. "I've got a little surprise," was all Sid would say. "Make sure to ask your aunt if you can sleep over," he'd add. It was all very mysterious, but Gawd let himself be talked into attending the party. That was a condition of finding out about the surprise – he had to agree to go to the party.

So he asked his aunt if he could sleep over at Sid's, and she consented, thinking Sid was an unusually polite kid because that was the way he always acted when he came to her house to visit Gawd. She didn't quite approve of the fact that Sid's parents were divorced or that Sid's mom lived on her own and "needed a man." She kept quiet about it when Sid was around and even seemed to feel sorry for him, as she was always offering him cupcakes or butter tarts or oatmeal cookies – which he always accepted with a polite thank-you.

Gawd arrived at Sid's early in the evening, about an hour before the eight o'clock start for the party. He had his pajamas and toothbrush in a paper bag that hung from the handlebar of his bike, as he rode into Sid's driveway. He also had a change of clothes because he was dressed in his Sunday best. That's the way you dressed for parties in those days. When he saw there was no car in the driveway, Gawd thought Sid's mom must be out.

"Yeah, she's gone out of town to some meeting the bank's putting on," Sid said, as Gawd followed him to his basement room. "She said she probably wouldn't be back until about midnight. Time for us to have some fun."

"You better get ready for the party," Gawd said.

"Lots of time," Sid answered, as he disappeared through the doorway to his room, with Gawd following after him.

"So, what's the surprise?" Gawd asked, while Sid searched the records.

"Oh yeah," Sid said, "I suppose you're interested to know."

He abandoned the records and walked over to the closet. Gawd followed. His friend turned on the light and went into the back part of the large space. Gawd watched as he moved a couple of boxes, revealing a small, hinged door in the wall. "My mom doesn't even know this place is here," Sid said, as he crouched to open the tiny door. "Isn't it a great stash place?" He reached into the miniature doorway, and produced a bottle filled with reddish liquid.

"What is it?" Gawd asked, a puzzled look on his face.

"It's some of my old man's wine," Sid answered with a wide grin, obviously feeling very pleased with himself. "I scooped it the last time I was at his place – probably when he was doing it with his girlfriend for all I know. I've been saving it for a special occasion."

"Wine," was all Gawd could say.

"We'll have a few drinks and go to the party," Sid said, as he followed Gawd out of the closet, bottle in hand. In short order, he had produced a couple of glasses and even a corkscrew and wrestled the cork out of the bottle. Then he poured them each a good-sized tumbler full of the stuff. "Cheers," he said brightly, and they clinked glasses and drank.

Gawd felt the stuff burn all the way down into him. It was awful; nothing like pop. His first urge was to spit it back out, but he knew that wouldn't be the manly thing to do, so he swallowed it down, and felt heartburn for the first time in his young life.

"Man, that's strong stuff," Sid said, as he finished about half the glass.

"You've drank before?" Gawd asked, sucking in the fresh air after the hotness of the wine.

"Oh, sure," Sid said. "My old man makes wine. I was raised on the stuff." He raised his glass for another drink.

Gawd didn't know whether to believe him or not, but he dutifully returned to his glass, not looking forward to consuming more of the vile liquid.

By the middle of the second glass, Gawd was feeling a warmth spread through him, and the stuff seemed to be tasting better. He found himself grinning ear to ear as he regarded Sid who was holding a newly-emptied tumbler.

"What's so funny?" Sid asked, a silly grin on his face as well.

"You are," Gawd answered, punctuating his answer with what might be called a chortle.

"You're getting drunk," Sid said, who was talking extremely loudly and who seemed to be leering toward him so his features got all distorted and comic-bookish.

Gawd recoiled, or at least tried to, but he nearly fell backward off the corner of the bed he was sitting on.

Sid reached out for him and caught him by the arm. "Easy does it," he said, but it was clear that he was more than a little off balance himself, as they both almost tumbled to the floor. Their near fall prompted a bout of spontaneous and uncontrollable laughter such that Gawd did fall off the bed and onto the floor, where he lay in a mirthful, fetal position.

Finally, the laughter died down. They both lay quietly as if reflecting on their drunkenness.

"What about the party?" Gawd said, but he struggled with his mouth, seeming unable to make it do just what he wanted.

"Christ, yeah," Sid said. "I should get dressed." He looked to the half empty bottle of wine. "I better put this thing back in my secret stash spot." He went to get up but teetered on the edge of the bed and fell back twice, spilling a good portion of his booty onto his bedsheets, before finally making it to a standing position on the floor.

With great difficulty, he put the bottle back into the compartment at the rear of the closet and started digging around for his clothes. "I hate getting dressed up," he said. He looked out of the closet in Gawd's direction. "You all right?" he asked, as he regarded his friend, who was by this time in a sitting position, but was very quiet.

Gawd had been overtaken by a feeling of melancholy, as he remembered his mother, and the difficulty she had faced with the bottle. He thought again of the quiet times he'd shared with her, as they'd sat on the couch in their little apartment, and he'd imagined that they were a real family.

"You all right?" Sid repeated.

"Yeah," Gawd answered, but it was like he sobered up at that moment. And even though he walked a little unsteadily to the Valentine's party – both boys smelling of the mints they'd eaten to hide the smell of the alcohol – he never took another drink – not on that night, or on any other night.

And Gawd got religion during that last year of public school. Aunt Rose was good to her word, and he was soon a regular feature at the United Church. In fact, he was baptized in short order and in the spring was enrolled in confirmation class and expected to join the church as an adult. It was a bit of a crash course, because he'd not had much of a religious upbringing. His mother hadn't bothered with it, except for a few kid's stories when he'd been younger. He'd been required to attend chapel at Spring Valley, but it'd been a bit of a joke with all the young lawbreakers and juvenile criminals. The only reason he went along with Aunt Rose and got involved was because he knew it had been in the old man's plans as well, and that somehow made it all right.

The other thing that made it all right was that Sid's mother had decided to get religion after splitting up with Sid's father, and in a happy coincidence Sid ended up in Gawd's confirmation class. Sid was also not very expert on biblical issues, so the two of them struggled together to gain some understanding of them. Gawd found the god stuff interesting, albeit somewhat mysterious and mystical, while Sid absolutely abhorred it and complained constantly about not being to understand how anybody could believe such bilge.

One day the whole confirmation class was sitting in the Quiet Room at the church with Reverend Cowan making pronouncements on how all good Christians were born into sin but could redeem themselves and get their reward in Heaven. It was all pretty usual stuff. For some reason, though, Sid was more restless than usual, and, finally, he did the unthinkable – he raised his hand.

"Yes, Sidney," said Reverend Cowan, using Sid's full name, something the boy disliked.

"Well, Reverend sir, I was just wondering if there was any proof that Jesus was God's son?" Sid asked, and you could see he'd put considerable thought into it.

"Well, Sidney, that's a very good question," the minister answered. "Jesus, himself, tells us on many occasions that he is the son of God, and anyone who believes in the miracle of divine birth should acknowledge that."

"Well, sir, I've been reading a lot of this bible stuff since we started this class," Sid answered, as Gawd watched, surprised his friend would get involved in such a discussion, "and it seems to me that there's just as good a chance that Jesus was just a regular guy."

"What do you mean exactly, Sidney?" the minister asked, his eyebrows arched.

"Well, I'm not sure I can buy into all this God stuff – it's all pretty shaky – but I like a lot of what this Jesus guy had to say," Sid answered, and by now the whole class was fidgeting nervously in their seats. "I think there's a pretty good chance that he was just an ordinary guy, only a little smarter than most. He had a whole lot of common sense, and he said some pretty good things – like if you love your neighbour, and do unto others like you want them to do to you – but I can't imagine that he was God's son. I'm not even sure there is a God – that's a pretty tall order."

Gawd was watching the minister's face while Sid was expounding on the theory that there was no God, and that Jesus was just a brighter-than-average guy. It turned several shades of red, and Gawd could tell there was going to be a problem. But the good reverend showed great restraint, letting Sid finish his postulating before responding.

"In this class, young man," the reverend started, his voice stern and awful, "we do not even entertain the possibility that Jesus wasn't God's son. We believe. I believe. You believe. That's what we're here for – to affirm our faith in God the Father, the Holy Trinity, and Jesus the son." The minister paused, and things were awfully quiet, tensely quiet.

"You, and all of us, were born into sin, and it is only through acceptance of the Father through the Son that we can be absolved of that sin and find our reward in Heaven," he continued. "We will not entertain such questions in this class over the final weeks. I can only ask, Sidney, that you make some effort to find God over that time, so you can find your way to eternal life." He paused again. It remained so quiet you could have heard the proverbial pin drop.

"We should take a break," the minister said. "Be back in ten minutes." He closed the book that was on the desk in front of him, got up, and strode out of the room.

Still, it was quiet – perhaps a shocked quiet – everyone in wonderment that one of their number had so obviously challenged the good reverend and his teaching, perhaps saying what many of them had been thinking. Then they started to talk in hushed whispers, casting sideways glances at the perpetrator, but Sid left the room.

Gawd watched him go and then quickly went after him. Not quickly enough, though, because by the time Gawd reached the hallway outside the Quiet Room, Sid had vanished. Gawd looked for him for a couple of minutes but could find no sign of him, so he thought he must have decided to lay low during the break and gave up the search. Instead, he went to the washroom.

As he just finished washing his hands, he heard a voice cry out from the hallway, "He's on the roof! He's on the roof!" Gawd came out of the washroom and almost collided with Bill, one of his classmates, who was in an unusual hurry.

"What's the rush?" he asked.

"It's your buddy, Sid," Bill answered excitedly. "He's up on the roof. He looks like he's going to jump. He's kneeling right on the edge, looking down."

Christ, thought Gawd, and he went out to see if Bill was speaking the truth. Once he was outside the church and looking up toward the sky, he could indeed see Sid on his knees on the edge of the church roof – the one with the steeple – the really high one. He looked like he was praying.

By this time, Reverend Cowan was on the lawn with the rest of the confirmation class. "You up there," the good reverend called out. "You're not supposed to be up there. You're going to get into serious trouble." There was no reaction from Sid.

Gawd had stopped watching and was hurrying through the church toward his friend. He felt he needed a better vantage point to try to talk to Sid, and he didn't feel he could do it from the ground -- he had to get closer.

Finally, on the upper floor of the church, he found an open window that led out onto the ledge that led to the roof. He knew it was the window Sid had used to get to his high-up perch. He stuck his head out and realized he'd not even be able to see Sid unless he went along the ledge to the corner of the building. He wasn't overly keen on heights, but he could hear the minister imploring Sid to get down from the roof, and he felt that was going to do little good in this situation. He crawled out onto the narrow ledge and looked straight ahead, thinking of the movies: that whenever anyone had to do any serious climbing in a high place, the advice was to not look down – and he was completely willing to follow that advice now that he found himself in a high place.

He moved slowly on the precipice, inching along on his hands and knees, eyes straight ahead, hoping the ledge was solid and that no piece would break away in his hand as would surely happen if this was the movies. Finally, his hand felt the end of the ledge, where it turned the corner of the building, and he peeked his head out and around the corner. There was Sid, kneeling just up above him, on the edge of the steeple roof.

"Look, there's two of them up there!" Gawd heard a voice cry out from the ground below, and it took him a moment to realize that he was the second presence on the roof.

The voice from below caused Sid to break from his statuesque pose on the edge of the roof. "What are you doing up here?" he asked, when he saw Gawd peering nervously around the corner of the building.

"I could ask you the same thing," Gawd answered, craning his neck to see his friend, but also trying to remain as still as he possibly could.

"I'm getting closer to God," Sid answered.

"I can see that," Gawd answered.

"I'm trying to find him," Sid said. "I thought the higher I could be, the better. This seemed like a good place."

"It's kinda dangerous," Gawd commented. "Aren't you scared?"

"It's funny," Sid answered, "but I'm not. I feel calm."

"Is it working?" Gawd asked.

"What?" Sid asked back.

"Do you feel closer to God?" Gawd asked, thinking it was a sensible question under the circumstances.

"I don't feel anything, except sort of calm, like I told you before," Sid answered. "I don't hear anything. I don't see anything. I don't feel anything. Where is he, do you think?"

"I'm not sure," Gawd answered.

"Do you believe in him?" his friend asked.

"I'm not sure," Gawd repeated. "I haven't really thought about it much."

"Well, I'm not sure there can be a God," Sid said, "because of all the rotten junk that goes on in the world – like all the wars and people starving and nobody getting along – and my mom and dad splitting up – and me having to move to this nothing town. If there was a God, everything'd be perfect."

There was a pause as Gawd regarded his friend. So serious...so very serious. Sid looked down at the confirmation class, standing there on the lawn, and Gawd chanced a look as well. Their classmates looked tiny and small as they stared skyward.

"I think the minister thinks you're gonna jump," Gawd said. "He'll probably call the cops if you don't come down."

"He's a horse's ass," Sid answered.

"He can't help it," Gawd said.

"I know," Sid answered.

"You're not gonna jump, are you?" Gawd asked.

"I don't think so," Sid answered, "but it might be the best way to find out if all this God stuff is true."

"What if it's not?" Gawd asked.

"Then, I guess there'd be no Heaven," Sid answered. "And I guess it would be the end of me. None of that eternal life stuff. This would be it."

"That would be a bit of a shame," Gawd said.

"Why?" Sid asked.

"I might never get laid," Gawd answered.

Sid looked thoughtful, as he knelt on the edge of the roof. "I think Beth Thomas is your best bet. She's after your body," he said.

"I seriously doubt that," Gawd answered.

"Well, I'm telling you, I wouldn't kick her out of bed for fartin'," Sid remarked.

"Me neither," Gawd agreed.

The situation seemed to diffuse. And even though it took the town fire truck to get the boys off the church roof, everyone seemed to agree that it was nothing more than a boyish prank, so there were no serious ramifications for the pranksters. Sid and Gawd were confirmed about a month later, and it was a joyous occasion for some of those involved, at least. Sid may not have found God that day on the roof, but, in a manner of speaking, Gawd found Sid. He found more than the wise-cracking, smart-mouthed, puberty-ridden juvenile he'd accepted as his friend. He saw a troubled edge to his friend and wondered where that would lead.

But it was almost the summer before high school. And there was that thing about Gawd's virginity...........