Chivalry. The word evokes a powerful image: a knight, in gleaming armor, charges onward to save a fair maiden from an evil wizard. We associate the word "chivalry" with a code of conduct employed by the warrior class of knights during the medieval ages. In modern times, people frequently refer to the chivalrous code in reference to gender relations. Bowing, kneeling, the kissing of a hand, and speaking moderate flattery are traditional male displays of chivalry. However, to classify a man as chivalrous simply because he performs those actions does a great disservice to the idea of chivalry: it remains, as in the past, an attitude and way of thinking that no one deed can express. The Code of Chivalry takes no definite shape; it remains forever an ideal to be attained.
Despite its organic quality, male chivalry, at heart, exhibits a profound and utter respect for women. In today's world of instant communication, one might say that outward physical displays, and the ancient code itself, are no longer suitable. However, I do not believe that technology has fundamentally changed gender relations; it has simply opened more options and paths to the basic human relationships that have developed since the dawn of humanity. Chivalry, in the context of gender relations, remains a viable and virtuous philosophy in our modern times.
Chivalry, for those who seek to define and classify, stems from the Latin root meaning 'horseman.' Because horses were scarce, to own one in medieval times implied wealth. Furthermore, since armored horseman dominated the medieval battlefield, the notion of a 'horseman' or 'knight' also implied a man of position, strength, and honor. Our sense of chivalry derives its meaning from these knights.
Although the Code of Chivalry differed slightly from region to region and generation to generation, the knights of Europe generally upheld a moral standard based in Christian morality and these ancient ideals: bravery, humility, toleration, honor, piety, courtesy, protection of the weak, generosity, fairness to enemies, and respect for women. As with every ideal, real knights upheld varying degrees of these qualities but the ideals still remain viable ones. Its appeal surpasses any specific moral teachings (including Christian) because it resonates with an intuitive sense of transcendental justice and morality that I believe all humans share.
Although chivalry is an ideal and a frame of mind, there are certain actions which can foster and express it. For instance, I have bowed in the past to strangers and friends alike, and I realize the power of that action. To bow, or kneel, or do any of the other conventional chivalric actions is not merely an act of external ritual; this action is valued because it sends powerful messages to another person. It places oneself in a universally recognized symbolic position of subservience.
This does not mean that one would take the other's word as law or act as if owned by the other. Instead, the action creates an atmosphere of respect and deference, which causes the other person to feel more secure. Other actions can give also this sense of security: friends can "high-five" or hug upon meeting to demonstrate respect for each other, however, bowing and kneeling are universally recognized as symbols of respect and subservience. Tradition and history have made them easily recognizable as such, no matter which culture or nation is examined.
These physical, explicit actions also provide tangible benefits. I have observed angry, screaming people temporarily calm down if greeted warmly with a bow. I have perceived that people react in anger or rage out of a feeling of frustration because control of a situation is not entirely theirs. By greeting them with such a respectful action, it diminishes their insecurity and enhances their sense of control, which subsequently diminishes the need to become verbally or physically aggressive.
In gender relations, the message becomes more powerful. Women's psyches have a deep insecurity regarding men that is rooted in the historical oppression and objectification of woman for thousands of years. Nor, I am sad to say, has the notion of discrimination based upon gender been completely abolished and defeated throughout the world. Thus, when a man creates a mood of respect by bowing or kneeling, it increases the woman's sense of ease. Not only does such actions make social dialogue easier but reaffirms the woman's human worth in both minds. The woman is endorsed in her quest for self-actualization. The man reinforces a reverence for women. By showing regard for women through an external display, men obtain a higher moral good.
Chivalric actions also provide another benefit: humor. G. K. Chesterton stated that "Wherever there is chivalry, there is courtesy, and wherever there is courtesy, there is humor." In my personal experience, actions like bowing or kneeling elicit a reaction of laughter. Even as these actions reaffirm security, they appear somewhat out of place in a modern context. Thus, there is a nostalgic humor about it all. Extreme courtesy and politeness create a level of complete absurdity that appeals to our sense of humor. In an adolescent context, the humor becomes markedly greater because of friendly teasing by both 'the guys' and the female friends of the blushing victim. Through this humor, the tension frequently found between meetings of men and women is broken.
Through a heightened sense of security, a reinforcing of moral values, and humor, I believe that physical expressions of chivalry have value. Nor has modernity made chivalry obsolete because gender relations have not changed. One might argue that the increase in communication has fundamentally changed the way people interact. People meet and befriend others without seeing their faces or hearing their voices. The telephone and the Internet allow people to communicate instantly and simultaneously with others around the world. However, this only changes things superficially. At root, people still befriend others because they have a shared interest, background, or viewpoint. No technology, not even pheromone-producing drugs, can change love, and, therefore, no product of modernity could make chivalry obsolete.
Caring for other people represents a fundamental need of human beings. Although technology can affect us, it cannot change our most basic and fundamental nature. The physical expressions of chivalry do not lose their symbolic meanings even if manners change, for chivalry has inherent virtuous values, historically rooted symbolic meanings, and eternal principles.
A close friend of mine once told me, "Tom, you are of a rare and dying breed. Stop being chivalrous; become like the rest of us, either a jerk, a rake, or a schlep. I'm a schlep, join me." Somehow chivalry has been diminished in recent times because people have begun to lose touch with those principles. Even worse, people in general have lost their idealism and their trust in ideals.
In gender relations and elsewhere, people disregard the ethos of chivalry that makes the path such a valid and just one. Few people hope (or attempt) to attain the attributes of honor, humility, and protection of the weak, even though they are still espoused as righteous paths. Impossible and inconvenient, the modern man feels no compunction to reach for these ideals; he prefers taking pleasure in fulfilling his ego-driven desires. In a vast sea of cynicism, only a few rays of idealism penetrate and flower.
These people, though rare, are certainly not a dying breed as my friend suggested. In true chivalric fashion, we will fight the invulnerable and champion the futile cause. Personally, I will hold the ideals of chivalry close to my heart and try to live a life that exemplifies virtue. I hope my example will convince others of the validity and strength of this path. A man with a chivalrous torch may find the darkness of apathy and cynicism dreadful and scary but still will venture onward with courage and humility.