So why the ambivalence? Two years ago, I would have said that the electronic world lacked the "personal touch." I would have expressed a longing for face-to-face encounters, real touches and eye contact. I would have complained that it was too easy for folks to misrepresent themselves and to lie about motives, and much too easy for others to be duped by them. I longed for faces to go with the words...for body language to use for further interpretation...for smiles and frowns rather than emoticons. I still wish ardently for a more personal "feel," but some of these ideas have since been tempered with online communication experience.

Experience has taught me that in most cases people who misrepresent themselves tend, like the rest of the world, toward entropy. It is very hard for us, even using a keyboard, to consistently maintain a persona contradictory to our own. As time and conversations fly, people will let down their guard and "slip." The more difference there is between the online personality and the real personality, the more obvious those slips will be. By paying careful attention to what is being said in the context of what was said before, one can usually spot the real person behind the facade. It takes a bit of practice, but I have discovered in my chat room travels that those with just a bit of experience online are not easily fooled. The topic has actually come up once or twice, and most people agree the fakes can be spotted eventually.

I still long for the faces though...and for the body language. I have been guilty once or twice of misunderstanding a sentence that seemed too abrupt, or intended as a gentle jibe, or a statement of opinion. It can be hard without the visual cues to decide what a typed sentence really means. What might seem like a "jab" from a conversationalist might not be hostile at all. Think about the tone of a sentence, and what it lends to the interpretation. For example, as simple a sentence as "Why did you come here today?" can be interpreted in several different ways, depending on the stresses used. If you read the following aloud, and stress the upper case words, you can get a general idea of what I mean.

Why did you COME here today?
Why DID you come here today?
Why did YOU come here today?
Why did you come HERE today?
Why did you come here TODAY?

This problem can be overcome with experience also. I tend to use uppercase letters for stress while I type conversation, exactly as pictured above, in order to clarify my meaning. I also use emoticons liberally, to separate the silly/joking statement from the serious. Not everyone does this though, so misunderstandings are still very common in online chat.

Generally, online communications are a challenge. I miss the cues and signals I would get if I were face to face with a conversationalist. I also miss the element of touch. More than once I have been faced with a serious emotional crisis online...a depressed friend, a suicidal sounding statement, or an outpouring of grief. In each case, I felt that the flat words I typed to express sympathy, support or encouragement was not nearly enough. I longed for a chance to touch...to hug, or to show physically that I cared. More than once I have been driven to tears behind the machine, frustrated by my attempts to share my heart. Unfortunately, hearts don't translate through the keyboard half as easily as they do when eye to eye. One hand on a shoulder is worth paragraphs of empathetic words.

Still, I have to admit that I have learned a great deal about writing through online chatting. I have learned to use words that really say what I mean. I have learned to use keyboard "tricks" to help clarify those things that might be changed by body language or facial cues. Most importantly, I have learned to become better at writing what I feel. In spite of my past reasons for ambivalence, I do not think I will be giving up the medium very soon. I learn too much from it, and from the multitudes with whom I share it. It's been a very important tool in my quest for self-improvement and positive change.

There are however, new frustrations cropping up in the "ether world" that continue to feed my contradictory feelings. Going into them all in this column would most likely tax my readers' patience, so I'll hold that thought for now. I haven't written a new poem about them yet, but I may have one by next month...who knows?

(Copyright 1998 by Denise Ruiz - No reproduction without express permission from the author)

Letter to the Author: