Seeker Magazine

Jack Hriniak

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Spinning Around Vietnam | The Beat | Eddie | The Damned | Political Battles | Still-Life

My first poem was actually written on the plane home from Vietnam. The war had brought me back and had cast me aside. I started writing notebook after notebook of prose and poetry but simply threw them away. I did not write to be published but to be healed. The words brought back parts of myself that were battered and broken. They also provided a safe haven for me to hide in.

After years of writing into notebooks, I refused to write another word because I finally saw my own truth and I blinked. I resumed writing in January of this year, and at last my eyes are opened wide.

Poems are words tucked away in the tiniest corners of the heart. They must be slowly removed, given a voice, and allowed to sing their own song. The reader should be given a taste of these words and then politely invited to dine. A poem is self-containing. It lives within itself, and if written well, it allows us to enter its house.

My poems are dark, painted with the reddish brown earth of Vietnam. They are images of recalled memories of a true world. I wanted the readers to see and feel its pain and hurt, to arouse emotion so it would speak for itself.

I never seriously thought of myself as a writer. Even now, my word usage is heavy. A good poet should say what he wants to say, say it well, and allow the reader to decide what it means. Most new poets want to be entertainers and to win an audience for themselves. The only motivation for poetry should be poetry itself.


Spinning Around Vietnam


Most of life has
gone       
	out of 
me,                   
	beaten into this land alive with madness.  
	Dreams, dragged into 
blindness,
	are broken beyond
solace.

The wind
	cries,   
	unable to stop,
not unless
it whispers 
one thought: 

"all  tomorrow's  rise too early."             

	So we live, only 
to die        

again.

	The past holds the 
present
	with his hand 
against
the door. 

But
I never knocked.

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The Beat

In perfect grammar,
in perfect spelling,
words are written
in silence,
behind
closed doors.
Words of action;
"Search and Destroy."
"Take the War to Them."
The Pentagon wanted us
"To kick ass."
Rank with blood,
and choking on a chain,
we broke free. Dead men cried
all night. In the morning,
we prayed well;
believing in the justice
of them in hell.
Now my mind stops between
me and my thought,
I feel the madness, and see the
wisdom,
and don't give a damn.


When I arrived in the Nam, patrols were always called "search and seizure." However, the boys of the Pentagon wanted higher kill-ratios. So, the names became words of aggression. Seizure was out, and "destroy" became the one constant, unchanging word in the war. The kill ratios did increase, because anyone killed became the enemy. Children, women, old men, even babies were assimilated into the equation. This was Vietnam.

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Eddie

He died,
slowly
without words.
Tears persisted, unaware of us.
His eyes staring at mine;
seeking, seeking,
some meaning.
All of myself so empty,
with open arms
holding nothing
of him.

Eddie's smile always
found a home
and
stayed later than you.
He lifted my moral eyes,
off the ground
and
gave them sight
to look back at me. At whatever time,
I draw light from the sky;
I will look over at God
on a smile.

Before each breath I heard
myself praying.
I turned, and kissed his face,
and
saw the boy still in the man.
His eyes, a flicker of death,
far away
beyond my reach,
on some hidden path
back home.
He died
in sparkling sunshine.
I wept.



Eddie was my best friend in Vietnam, and my largest "keepsake" of pain. We lived within each other, to soften the fear, a give voice to solace. Somehow, in some corner of his heart, Eddie kept his humanity. God help us, little was left in our hearts. His belief in the quality of my decency made me whole again. After his fourth month in country the fighting intensified, and amid the insanity of a battle, he was shot and killed. I was but two feet from him when the first bullet entered his body. When he died, it was the only time I cried in Vietnam. Before writing the poem, I had traveled back to that day so many, many times. The poem attempted to draw forth, both the intimacy and intensity of death. I also wanted to portray the deepness in sorrow and the tenderness in a friendship. Every inch was shaped in truth. Eddie and I had promised, when war was done, to meet together and to start to live in life.
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The Damned

The wind cries
through me.
This nation closed her eyes
while advisors disposed of us,
with deepest regrets.
Spinning their illusions into truth,
and
damning us for it.
We were the leftovers,
passed on in shame.
Nobody counted.
One behind the other, to lie awake
in silent
Extinction.

The wind cries
through me.
War breaks down a man
spilling his blood and tears,
over and over,
until he is
alone;
forever.
Thinning his dreams down
to bitter silence;
before
dissolving
all he was,
past memory,
into an empty heart.
Damned,
beyond caring.
The wind cries...



Our nation expressed their frustrations with the conflict in Vietnam by targeting those who served there. In a very real sense, we did not separate the war from those who fought it. This nation used us for a couple of years and trained us to think nothing at all of killing or being killed. Murder was the order of the day. Suddenly they discharged us, and told us what we did was wrong. Told us we were not needed and scattered us without help. It was easier for everyone to forget us than to confront our pain and anger. On my first day back home, I was spat upon, and was the recipient of such epithets as "war criminal" and "killer". I was nineteen. We had done our duty, lost our blood and our friends, lost our own sense of self in the insanity of war and was rejected at home. We were THE DAMNED. I wrote my first poem, two lines, on the flight back home: I have put my eyes away,/with no tears to say.

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Political Battles

Men
wearing tailored gray dinner suits
with
manicured fingers
and
twisted hands,
shape polished words
into being.
Enlighten words,
darkening the truth,
obscure a world,
brightly painted
in seamless lines
of flesh and bone.
                              Left behind,
in failing sight
savage as hell
bloodied sons,
whisper into death.

Men with gold cufflinks
sparkle truth,
onto memos;
etched
in grave lines
of paper and stone.
Urgent words
cry out "mother"
over a dark and silent field.
The king and his court
are in distress.
White boys, with pockets
of cash, are dying
like dominoes
one after another.
The lies between two worlds
come forward,
willing to be bought.
And they are.
Men with no honor
warm their lies
between folded hands
like a prayer
at penance time.

These men of liberty
breathe our dreams
in,
to use and burn out.
What little of us is left
taken;
just for the pride of it.
Many lies are buried,
a hole
through the heart;
lamenting the truth
shot in the back.
Men taking money
to betray them black.
Men of gold
and of desire,
wearing
silk ties
behind dark glasses
in tinted cars
escort women
with no names
off to empty rooms.
Sinking into flesh
long since dead.
Smiling alone,
fondling the truth
of himself.
                          Feeling nothing.


The politics of Nam defined the war and influenced our approach to it.

According to Robert McNamara "there was no thoughtful analysis of the problem and no pros or cons regarding alternative ways to deal with it." He said there was no clear path to follow, and there was no direction to follow it in. In plain English, they never had a clue! The fools sent in Marines to die, so their names will be naked in stone forever. It was a policy of shame, of hate, of bigotry, and of tyranny. The fools dressed it up with words like conceptualize, geopolitical intentions, ideological dimensions; "full of sound and fury signifying nothing." Nothing but another dead Marine to put in stone.

War is very simple to define, it is violence; the exertion of physical force so as to injure or kill. My government lied, abused power, silenced liberty, poisoned us with chemicals, told us we were one of the reasons why their policy failed. A political poem is easy to write, but not as easy to write well. The poem attempted to portray the government as morally weak, and dying under the burden of Vietnam; without truth society collapses into disorder.


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Still-Life

It's nice to be plain,
not handsome
wishful
or vain.
No eyes await me.
No words have been me.
And, I wonder to myself,
"who was I?"
There's silence
inside.
As the gun goes off,
in me,
I feel...



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(Copyright 2000 - All Rights Reserved by Jack Hriniak - No reproduction without express permission from the author)

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Letter to the Author:
Jack Hriniak at jhlord68@aol.com