My grandfather gave me a beautiful gold watch when I was eight years old. Thinking I could get it to run again, I took out the works and disassembled them. I never got that pocket watch back together.
No matter what we do, there are always certain aspects of life that will forever be beyond our capacity to direct or command. That is often a blessing. I recall driving the nearly empty highway at 3 a.m., my wife filling the speeding car with the sound of labor pains. Neither of us had a clue as to what the future would bring. Caught up in the moment, all we could do was anticipate what the next few hours or the next few years might be like.
Witnessing the birth of my daughter, Jessica, did nothing to make me feel any more in control of the new situation. I saw this wonderful, helpless child and had no idea what wonders it would bring into my life. She was like a blank slate, driven only by the most basic natural instincts. Facing her existence, I realized that I was just as much a blank slate. Clueless; powerless; entering uncharted territory right along with her.
Jessica is eleven now. In a way, I still feel like I did when I was driving to the hospital on the morning of her birth. Since then, I have watched her blossom. I have done my best to offer her my help, care, love and advice. Even so, she is a daily event in my life, which is beyond my control, and I think that is how it should be. Love is not control; love is allowing.
It touches me greatly to recall some of the fantastic experiences for which I can only thank Jessica. There was the night she caught her first catfish in Idaho - her excitement could not be confined in her nine-year-old frame. I sat proudly and moved, watching her first piano recital in the school talent show, knowing the big bow she took had meaning beyond words. Her drawings adorn the walls of my studio. Each is as valuable as a Monet or Van Gogh in my universe.
She is pure heart and all of its finest qualities. Each day of my life, her gifts are beyond measure. She is love. She is honesty. She is spiritual beauty that knows no bounds. Who in their right might would seek to control any of that?
Still, too often, I speak to people who have problems in their relationships. Most of those problems stem from a desire to control, to get the other person to be different in some way. I tell them that the point is to let the other person be all they are. These "out of control" elements are the gifts we are meant to receive while we are here on Earth. The whole point of relationships is to experience what is outside of ourselves. Love is allowing.
My friends and my family are treasures, just like that old watch. I'd be a fool to tinker with the internal workings of these marvelous beings. The gifts they bestow upon me are perfect without my control. Why go messing with perfection? All the good stuff is already there.
(Copyright 1998 by Al Carmichael - No reproduction without express permission from the author)