An Interview With Santa Claus

George Page, Editor of The Southern Express, began to wish he hadn't offered vacation employment to young Terry Mossop over the Christmas/New Year holidays. It was not that Terry wasn't up to the job. If anything he was too good and too quick for the small, twice weekly Express and George was having difficulty finding tasks to keep him occupied.

Terry asked, yet again, "And what would you like me to do next?" as they were beginning work on the Christmas edition. George put his tongue firmly in his cheek and suggested, "See if you can get an interview with Santa Claus."

There was still enough of the child left in Terry for him to believe that Santa may exist even though he only comes to little kids. He spent the rest of the day deciding on the questions he would ask if he could arrange an interview. He didn't have access to the office Internet connection which was used mainly for email and weather reports but at home that evening he logged on to his favourite search engine and quickly found Santa's telephone number.

Because of the time difference between Australia and Lapland, he decided it would be best to ring late in the afternoon. The following day he busied himself with other things until the office was about to close. "I still have a call to make. Can't get him any earlier," he told George as he was locking up. "That's OK. Just be sure the door is locked when you leave." Terry sat relaxed and breathing deeply before picking up the phone and dialing, notebook at the ready.

"Welcome to Santa's headquarters. If you are a boy, press 1. If you are a girl, press 2. If you are a parent, press 3, If you are a grandparent, uncle, aunt or any other relative press 4. If you would like to speak to an elf, press 5.

Terry pressed 5. He was addressed by another recorded message. "All the elves are busy at the moment but your call is important to us. Please hold and you will be connected to the first available elf. After listening to a jazzed up, electronic version of Jingle Bells and half of Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer he was answered by a deep baritone voice with a pronounced American accent..

"Hi. I'm Elvis the elf. How can I help you."

"Hello. I'm Terry Mossop, a reporter from The Southern Express, an Australian newspaper and I would like to interview Santa, if that's possible."

"It's possible, but he only gives three interviews a week and I'm afraid he's all booked up until mid-March next year. Want me to book you in?"

"No, don't bother. Nearly all the information I need is available from your web site. But there is just one point you may be able to clarify for me. Does Santa only come to children who are Christians and have faith in Jesus?"

Elvis was obviously nonplused and after a long pause asked. "Jesus? Who the Hell is Jesus and what's he got to do with Christmas?"