Musings

So alive.........almost to the point of flashing neon. It's an emotional druglike euphoria---though not quite out of control.

I hold onto the reins of it---sometimes more tightly than other times. I'm playing a game of baccarat when I haven't yet learned the rules and strategies. And sometimes the players say nothing.......say everything with their smooth and clever personas.

And I soar........with an energy that only can be gotten if I'm creative enough. It's a butterfly that lights on my hand. I admire its confidence and the experience he's been through to come to the place where he now rests. He is only there on MY hand because I made myself available to him in HIS realm. To touch him, to try to confine him would only defile the experience and bring him to its suffocating death.

What is this energy and why is it so wondrous? You notice that he has something that (you think) you lack in yourself.....some unique elusive quality. And he just may have an extra key to that door. It cannot be grabbed away..... I can only enjoy this energy if I accept as a gift. What a challenge......how exhilarating it is to let your mind be opened and welcome the newness of ideas and other long sought after joys.

A Book for One

.........'this is the way I think'...and the reply would be 'not in my book'.

But who's book is it really? Is it my own concept of how things are to be?

Or is it my parents, grandparents' ideas transferred to me? I adopt what I perceive to be the truth at a young age. Because it is coming from adult 'gods' in my environment.

As I've grown older....experienced trauma, self-inflicted pain through an insidious disease, I lived more than my parents have in the ways of the world. Why are these ingrained concepts now uncomfortable to live in? They fit like a dress 3 sizes too small and accessories that hardly coordinate.

Where would I go from here???? In my life, I could stay with what is most familiar....momma's ideas. How much easier than would be. No chance of risk or dangers. So very safe. My own ideas about things could sneak in and possibly bring fear to the very surface. It's so easy to just stuff them back in and say 'not me'.

Or......if I get uncomfortable enough, or bored enough....or hurt bad enough, I can look at each idea as it shows itself and make a choice. Is it destructive? Could it be dangerous to me? Would it look bad to other people? Is it worth taking the risk and somehow finding out that I can survive that which I didn't think myself capable? That I can become a stronger, wiser and more generous person for just doing what is presented to me? Because I was willing to trade in the fear factor for the strength of my HP who's always there waiting.

What's 'in my book' today? My own concept of a HP in my life.... which constantly changes and evolves. I become fearful only when I choose not to follow my own heart and the power within me. My book has many chapters filled to a bulging mass......and many other chapters not yet touched by a single dot. There are pages and pages of words running into each other and others that have but one solitary word.

But this is my own unique book........unlike any other book ever written. If I choose to follow the old ideas, my book will only be a copy of someone else's path.

To do the things that God has me here to do.......I must keep an open mind, honestly believe that I CAN do anything with His nudging and follow through with confidence that it's important although I may not understand it..

I can then look in the mirror and gratefully see that the dress fits like that glove and a light shines through from the spirit of all that is truth.