i stand in front of you
hopeless and half-naked
face in my hands
weeping
what do i do?
what do i say?

i raise my head from my shield and
look into your eyes
i know why you have lied
you wanted to belong
you needed something to believe in
image became everything
truth became nothing
you sacrificed your Self

hatred thunders forward
my teeth and fist clenched
eyes ablazing fire
i yell, WHO.....ARE......YOU?....
WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME?........
my truest companion has become a stranger

frustrated and betrayed
i thrust back my fist and punch your face
i fall to my knees
grasping my bleeding hand
and scream at the broken glass
I FORGIVE YOU!

Mom grieved as she
erased all memory of
you from her life.

So I thought.

Frilly feminine wallpaper
now hangs on your
bathroom walls.

Dresser drawers stay empty.
Living room walls no longer
hold your face,
keeping you out of her sight.

So I thought.

Your unexpected death
caused her deep affliction
never being able to speak
your name again.

So I thought.

As Mom lay comatose
I whisper,
Daddy's waiting for you now,
he still loves you.
As she wrestled and moaned
it made me doubt the words
I just uttered.

So I thought

On the eve of Mom's
eternal journey,
a feeling of peace and
contentment overflowed
inside of me.
I no longer have to doubt
Mom's love for you.

Longing to hold her close
I search through her purse,
touching her trinkets and
smelling her scent.
Fondling her wallet
it softly opens.
My eyes find you.

She held you closer than
a picture on a wall.

Daddy, you may now hold Mom
forever,
As she always held you.

I look without
for what is within
and enfold only air...
imagining it to have the
substance that I seek:

     The brilliance of suns,
     the kindness of angels,
     the gentleness of mothers
     nursing their newborns,
     the humor of the true sages,
     the strength to stand  and
     the knowledge of what's needful
     at the birth of each moment.

     To hear the hum of the web
     that connects All That Is,
     dance with the spirits
     and be the heart and hands and eyes
     of the Creator.

I sit and I stare into space
Once again
That old feeling
That I loathe/long
Is coming back again
I know I shouldn't be drifting
Into you so easily
Considering the emotional armor on you
That nobody seems ever to put a chink in
I would be proud to say
That at least I
Have slapped a little dirt on it
And for everyone who relishes
In the glow and shine
Basking
That's where they are wrong
Because that which they bask upon
Can and will blind them
So I look away
But am still drawn
Because of your warmth
Beguiling
I am helpless once more
Just like the many times
I feel this way
Lonely when I'm among the crowd
I yearn for solidarity
People moving, talking, rushing
Where?
Where do you people ultimately go?
Do you know?
Do you ever want to?
Why do I want to?

Switchback
Merely a distraction
From the distraction that is you

I see a kid
Little Tarzan wannabe
Screaming, running, rushing, oblivious
Young
Blissfully ignorant
I am painfully aware now
That I am numb again
Not of body
But of soul
Am I a part of this?
The daily grind?
This could go on forever

Switchback
Merely a distraction
From the distraction that is you

My flight's a-boarding
Pretty soon
I shall feel your warmth again
Would I be blinded?
Would I be scorched?
Would I bask?
Would I indeed
This piece comes to a close
But my thought of you
On and on
On and on
On and on…